Jokes of the Day - "A man walked into a bar..."

It is common to hear jokes in English that start with the phrase "A man walked into a bar..." Here are a few!

A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered a drink. Then he and the dog started playing darts.
"Hey, that's amazing!" said the bartender. "Your dog can play darts!"
"It's not that amazing," answered the man. "In the last ten games he's only beaten me twice!"

A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a large man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked the man.
"No," the man answered.
A few moments later the dog got up and bit the first man in the leg!
"You said your dog doesn't bite!" the man replied.
"That's not my dog," the second man answered.

A duck walked into a bar. He went up to the bartender and asked, "Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender, annoyed, said, "We don't have grapes, we serve drinks here. Get out!"
The next day the duck walked into the same bar and asked the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender, irritated, shouted, "I told you yesterday that we don't have any grapes. We have drinks! Now get out!"
The next day the duck walked into the bar again. He sat at the bar and asked the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"
Now the bartender was furious. "I told you two times that we don't have grapes here. We serve drinks! Now, if you come back ONE MORE TIME and ask me the same question, I will NAIL YOUR BILL TO THE BAR! GET OUT!"
The next day the duck walked into the bar. He asked the bartender, "Do you have any nails?"
The bartender, confused, answered, "No."
The duck looked the bartender directly in the eyes and asked, "Do you have any grapes?"

A Daily Dose of English

Get your daily dose of English at English Daily. Here you can find great activities and resources for students. Below are a few of the sections you can access on this web site:

Train your ear - Listen to authentic news clips and fill in the blanks with the words that have been removed.
Learn slang - Get a start on understanding many of the slang terms you will hear people in the U.S. use. Complete with examples.
Movie lines - Great for those students who are Hollywood film aficionados. Read dialogs from real-life films.
English proverbs - Practice some of those English proverbs.
Common English mistakes - Although geared toward mistakes Chinese students of English often make, any student can learn from looking at these mistakes that are common across languages.
TOEFL vocabulary - For students who need more formal, academic vocabulary, there is a section where you can study words commonly found on the TOEFL exam.

Have fun exploring the site, and be sure to comment on any web sites you may have found that are helpful!

Carnival Celebrations Around the World

During January and February, festive Carnival celebrations take place in many countries around the world. The most famous Carnival traditions that include masquerading and holding extravagant parades can be traced back to medieval Italy and are rooted in Roman Catholicism. Historically, Carnival has been held in the days leading up to Lent, which is the forty-day period of fasting and prayer before Easter. Although the true origin of the word Carnival is disputed, it is thought that the word comes from the Italian phrase, carne leavre, or “remove meat,” which refers to the abstention from eating meat during Lent.

Today, many carnival celebrations are fusions of new and old traditions. All across the globe the Americas, Europe, Asia and Australia come alive with dynamic festivities of self-expression. Let’s take a look at a few specific celebrations.

Carnival of Venice, Italy

The Carnival of Venice, Italy is a spectacle of bright costumes and masks that dates back to the 1268. Nowadays during Carnival, crowds gather in the central Piazza San Marco and weave around the bridges and footpaths along the canals. There are street-performers, singers and entertainers throughout the city. There is no actual parade for Carnival, so anyone can join in the masquerading. The 2009 Carnival will take place from February 13 until February 24.

In the past, this celebration took place between Christmas and Strove Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday. It was also much larger and boisterous with bull-fights, bear fights and even secret assassinations in the gondolas. This holiday was a chance for people from all classes and walks of life to wear flamboyant costumes and masks.

Carnival of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

The Carnival in Rio de Janeiro has been called “the biggest show on Earth” and is perhaps the world’s most widely recognized Carnival. It draws crowds of millions every year. This celebration in Brazil originated in Rio de Janeiro back in 1641 and the festivities vary depending upon the region.

The Carnival in Rio is a fusion of European, African and Native elements and consists of organized parades full of dancing and singing. There are Samba Schools that compete in shows in the Sambadrome and also groups of people often from the same neighborhood, called blocos, who dress in elaborate costumes and sing and dance in almost every corner of the city.

Winter Carnival, Québec, Canada

Winter Carnival is world’s largest winter celebration and the third largest Carnival after Rio de Janeiro and New Orleans. With over one million participants, it begins at the end of January or the beginning of February and lasts for 17 days of festivities.

In 2009, the theme of the winter carnival was, “The Carnival Leads You into the Masquerade.” Carnival brings many exciting traditions that include a life-size Ice Palace, a Canoe Race along the St. Lawrence River, outdoor museums displaying snow sculptures, two night parades and the Queens and Duchesses of Carnival. Since 1954, the Winter Carnival has had a mascot, Bonhomme, a jovial snowman, who has helped the Quebec Winter Carnival earn international fame and recognition.

Carnival of Trinidad and Tobago

This Carnival traces its roots back to West Africa and is infused with a blend of Calypso and Soca music, drumming, dancing and exotic costumes. This vibrant holiday takes place on the Monday and Tuesday preceding Ash Wednesday. Highly prestigious music competitions are a large part of the celebration.

Many participants in the Carnival celebrations wear intricate costumes that often require extensions and wheels to help the masquerader carry it through the streets. They are decorated with bright colors, sequins and feathers. Locals and tourists participate in the street parades and dance to the beats of steel-drum bands.

This article is based on the following websites:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnival

http://venicexplorer.net/carnevale-di-venezia/index.php

http://italy-travel.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_carnival_of_venice

http://www.carnaval.qc.ca/history.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trinidad_and_Tobago_Carnival

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rio_de_Janeiro

History of Halloween

Ancient Origins
Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in).
The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.
To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities.
During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other's fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.
By A.D. 43, Romans had conquered the majority of Celtic territory. In the course of the four hundred years that they ruled the Celtic lands, two festivals of Roman origin were combined with the traditional Celtic celebration of Samhain.
Video: The haunting History of All Hallow's Eve (Halloween).
Video: Timothy Dickinson tells the intriguing tale of why we celebrate Halloween, and it's evolution from Samhain, an ancient Celtic Harvest Festival.
The first was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans traditionally commemorated the passing of the dead. The second was a day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple and the incorporation of this celebration into Samhain probably explains the tradition of "bobbing" for apples that is practiced today on Halloween.
By the 800s, the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands. In the seventh century, Pope Boniface IV designated November 1 All Saints' Day, a time to honor saints and martyrs. It is widely believed today that the pope was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. The celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints' Day) and the night before it, the night of Samhain, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween. Even later, in A.D. 1000, the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honor the dead. It was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels, and devils. Together, the three celebrations, the eve of All Saints', All Saints', and All Souls', were called Hallowmas.

Run for President of the United States!

Surprise your family and friends! Put the best candidate on the podium and run for the job of President of the United States.

Discuss the issues that are important to you. Pick your own party. Upload an image and get started.

Image from www.yourct.com

Who do you want to win?

With all the excitement of the upcoming elections in the United States, you may be wondering who you would vote for. Compare the candidates and decide for yourself who you would like to win.

Keep up with the last minute information of who is ahead at the polls. The political dashboard at Yahoo will show you who is winning and where, along with how many electoral votes each U.S. state gets.

Convert Text to Speech

Programs that convert text to speech are really fun! Make eggs talk at the Talking Egg-a-Gram web site, courtesy of Holiday Inn. Or try Monk-E-Mail. Send your message on to a friend!

Walkthrough for Friday's game Phantasy Quest is here. Follow these directions if you get stuck.

Play Video Games while Practicing your English!

Like video games? They can be a lot of fun, but some people think they are a waste of time. Here is a video game you can play directly on your computer that you can have fun with while practicing your English. In Phantasy Quest, you will find yourself on a desert island, near your ship, which has been shipwrecked. Your quest is to find the girl. It is not difficult - just point the mouse and click. Follow the arrows. Pick up objects and use them on each other. Try to rescue the girl. Have fun!

I will post the walkthrough tomorrow for those of you who get stuck!

Tell Others What To Do! (Practicing Commands)

Practice your commands and get a laugh as you do! Tell the subservient chicken what you want him to do and watch him bow to your every word!

How? Type in a command and submit and then just watch. Here are just a few to use:

• roll over
• bend over and touch your toes
• dance
• jump
• scratch your head

Try a few of your own!

Not a fan of the chicken suit? (I admit, it could be a little cuter!) There is a cute little dog waiting for your instructions at I Do Dog Tricks. The dog can't do as much as the chicken, but it's fun anyway, and maybe you'll learn some new vocabulary! Try these commands with the dog: dance, beg, bark, jump, sit, stand, etc.

Are you a higher level learner? Try the Family Friendly Simon Sez Santa, where the commands understood are greater and new ones are being added.
If you are there to practice your English, be sure to choose English as your language. If you're there just to have a little fun, there are a lot of languages to choose from. An added feature here is that some fun commands appear at the bottom - ideas for you to try!

Enjoy!

PS I saw these on Larry Ferlazzo's blog, although I'd seen the dog web site before. Check out his blog if you're an English teacher looking for ideas!

Voice Threads - Connect with people around the world

Looking for a place where you can interact with people around the world, plus practice your speaking, listening, and reading skills? Try Voice Thread, a great web site where you can post a picture, record yourself explaining something about the picture, and then receive comments about it from other internet users. Try it - it's free!

Are your actions Earth-friendly?

How earth-friendly are your actions? Are you conscious about how your actions affect the environment? Compare how you live with others in your area and find out what your ecological footprint is by taking this quiz. You can take the quiz in many different languages - but do it in English if you are an English student! :)

Post your comments here to see how other English speakers around the globe rate in comparison to you!

Happy Easter (Pascua)

Here in Ecuador, today, Jueves Santos, and tomorrow, Viernes Santo, are the big days. Families will gather around the table to share in big bowls of fanesca, followed by a dollop of thick mashed potatoes and rice pudding for dessert. Much like Thanksgiving in the States, Ecuadorians will eat until they can eat no more, and then have one more bowl of fanesca.

Fanesca is a complex fish soup made of all sorts of spring harvest items: pumpkin and squash, beans, peas, corn, peanut sauce, even hominy or lentils in some families. Of course, you mustn't forget the dried salt cod, the main ingredient in the dish! Topped with fried sweet plantain, hard boiled egg, and fritos, small fried dough balls, this dish requires a lot of preparation. Sometimes the whole family gets involved shelling beans and cooking the grains beforehand, which makes it easier on the cook and helps build lasting bonds over the food.

It is very different from how Easter is typically celebrated in the States. Usually the Easter bunny has a show, and then everyone will hunt for eyes: plastic or previously dyed eggs. Families will often go to church in their Sunday best - typically new clothes bought for the occasion. Some may have an Easter brunch, while others will celebrate with a larger meal. The traditional fare is ham and potatoes, and possibly deviled eggs (you have to find something to do with all those dyed Easter eggs).

However you are celebrating the coming of Spring, have a happy break and spend lots of time with family and friends!

Pics from www.catholiccommunications.ie and www.simplyscripts.net, respectively.

Visualize the tenses with cartoons

Here is a web site to check out. This web site not only shows you, through colorful, interactive cartoons, the way tenses are used in English, it also gives step-by-step rules of how to form the structure and when to use it, as well as common phrases used with the tense. For example, in the case of future perfect, common phrases are: until, before, by the time.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Happy day to all the Irish out there, and happy día del santo to all of you named Patrick! May the luck of the Irish always be with you!

So, how do the Irish (and non-Irish) celebrate? With parades, drink, food, music you name it! Show a little spirit today and wear some green. Have some cabbage with your meal in honor of the day.

For die-hard Catholics celebrating Holy Week, this article may be of interest. Apparently, Holy week takes precedence over saint days, so, technically, today is not St. Patrick's Day at all.
Tell that to the millions of Catholics round the globe that are celebrating this day with a pint and something green... or, even better, a pint of something green. :)

Pic from www.jupiterimages.com.





Top pic from stpatricksday2006.blogspot.com. Bottom pic from http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5iTq6K6kn_ggV1MfJofKgU6qTeImA.

World Book Day

All the readers out there may be interested to know that today is World Book Day. All across the UK and Ireland today, school kids will be celebrating this day with a book. Not only does the day help raise awareness of the importance of reading, but it also provides an opportunity for people to talk about the books that have moved them. But World Book Day isn't only for kids - go to the Spread the Word link and get good recommendations on books for adults.

Visit the official web site to find even more to whet your appetite: games, competitions, and book tokens (for those of you living in the UK or Ireland).

In honor of today, we'd also like to share a great resource for readers. What Should I Read Next? is a web site that will recommend books based on your favorite authors. Discover new authors and books by typing in a book you love or enjoyed and then choosing another from the list of authors you'll be given.

And, for those of you who love quizzes and trivia, check out this quiz on the Guardian. How much do you know about the literature of the different continents? Put your mind to the test!

Using YouTube to Improve Your Pronunciation

YouTube isn't just a place to find funny videos or shorts of your favorite TV shows. You can actually use YouTube to help you improve your speaking and pronunciation skills. The video below, which works on word stress, was created by an English teacher for speakers of other languages, and is a good example of how you can use the Internet, and web sites like YouTube, to work on your English skills.



To find more videos like this one, put "english pronunciation" in the search field of YouTube and click! A number of videos to help you work on your pronunciation will show up.

Trip vs. Travel: Revealed!

Yesterday we asked you to think of the difference between trip and travel. If you looked at our examples, it was probably rather straightforward: trip is used as a noun (in this context) and travel is a verb. It's as easy as that!
So, let's see how you do with a few practice sentences. Fill in each blank with trip or travel.

1. We're going to take a ___ to Tena this weekend. My mom and dad will be ___ with us, but my younger sister couldn't make it because she is going on an end-of-the-school-year ___ with her friends.
2. My father ___ a lot for his job. He usually ___ by plane, but for his Chicago ___ he'll be ___ by bus, since it is only a few hours from here.
3. To make the most of your ___ , be sure to ___ lightly. Don't pack more than you can carry, since once you arrive to the camp you'll be ___ mainly by foot and will have to carry all of your belongings with you.

Answers:

1. trip, traveling, trip
2. travels, travels, trip, traveling
3. trip, travel, traveling

Trip vs. Travel

Trip and travel - two words that create confusion for many English language learners. So what is the difference? Why do students get confused?

Have a look at the examples below and see if you can figure out the difference for yourself. Come back tomorrow for the answer and some practice.

• Have a nice trip!
• Travel with us again soon.
• I am taking a trip this Sunday.
• I am traveling to Cuenca this Sunday.
• We plan to travel soon.
• Let's go on a shopping trip next week!
• After she graduated from high school, she spent a year traveling all over Europe.
• Is there going to be a school trip this year?
• I travel to work by train.
• The trip from Chicago to Minneapolis takes about 8 hours by car.
• I thought I might take a trip to the Amazon river basin sometime this year.

Picture from www.destination360.com.

See vs. Watch vs. Look: Practice!

Choose the correct verb (see, watch, or look) for each sentence.

(Remember: We see something static, unmoving. We also see the things around us, perhaps without paying much attention to them. We look at something in order to pay more attention to its appearance. We watch something when we want to know what happens (so therefore we generally watch something that is moving or that requires our attention). We use look when we want to direct someone's attention to something.)

1. Do you ___ that picture on the wall? It is a picture of my great-grandmother.
2. Tania can't ___ blood or she faints.
3. When you are done ___ the game, would you please help me in the kitchen?
4. Can you ___ my children tonight while I am at the meeting?
5. I need someone to ___ my computer. It isn't working.
6. ___ ! That little boy is going to fall out of the tree.
7. I don't ___ the difference between these two pictures. Are you sure they aren't the same?
8. ___ that man on the corner. He's acting suspicious.
9. Have you ___ The Lord of the Rings? It's a classic.
10. I want to learn how to make fanesca. Can I ___ you make it?
11. Don't ___ me! My hair's a mess!
12. I have this feeling someone is ___ me. It is really creepy.

Answers:

1. see
2. see
3. watching
4. watch
5. look at
   
6. Look
7. see
8. Watch
9. seen
10. watch
11. look at
12. watching

See, Watch, or Look?

Watch: to look at something for a period of time, especially something that is moving. We watch something when we are interested in what happens.

• Could you watch my purse while I go to the restroom?
• I love sitting at the window and watching the people walk by.
• We watched the basketball game on TV.

See: 1 to be aware of what is around you by using your eyes,
2 to watch a film or TV program

• Did you see Desperate Housewives last night? It was a rerun.
  
• When you see Jenny, please tell her not to be late for the party.
• Do you see that white church? That's San Agustín.

Look: to direct your eyes in order to see

• Look! There's Marlene with her boyfriend.
• Look over there - do you see that red bus?

Look at: to view something, to be interested in the appearance of something

• Look at Martha, isn't she pretty today?
• Can I look at your answers? Mine are all wrong.

See is usually used for something stationary or static (not moving)
E.g. You see blood, see the stars, see a picture/photograph, see a painting

Watch is usually for something that moves, or that requires attention
E.g. watch a movie, watch children playing, sports

Look (at) is to pay attention to a detail, or appearance
E.g. You can look at people, objects

Note:
Look at the children! (Check out their appearance or what they are doing. Do not pay a lot of attention to them, though.)
Watch the children, please. (Pay attention to them so that they don't get hurt or in trouble)
I can't see the children. (They are not within my view.)